July 21, 2016

Asking the Tough Questions

I cannot believe it is already July. Time slips through the seams of everyday life and before I know it, it has been one month since my last post. I’m sure I don’t have to use an epic metaphor to show just how crazy and busy life can be sometimes.

To catch some of you up, I am currently in North Carolina for the She Speaks Conference. A few months back I reached out to many through a GoFund Me page and within 1 1/2 weeks I received more than the amount needed to attend this conference. Thanks again, to all those who donated! You all are amazing.

On the She’s Not Sorry Facebook Page (Click here to like and share the page) I expressed that I would take you all along the She Speaks adventure through my blog, twitter, IG and even Youtube page (trying new things)! I can’t wait to share this experience with you all and hopefully encourage you to run into the rooms your heart beats for.

While I will share with you all about She Speaks, I did have a thought while at the airport and was compelled to share:

I was texting a friend about a traumatic experience she had in the past. We haven’t had a verbal conversation in a while, texting just seemed easier and has become our way of communication.  While conversing, there was a point where I felt as though I had to ask her a question- I felt it in my bones that she so desperately wanted to share her heart but was waiting for a door to open. I typed out the question we both yearned for, then pressed the backspace button. I typed out the question once more then down played it with an emoji.

I started thinking about what was going on inside of me and how hard it was to ask this question that we both were waiting for.  I deleted the emoji and pushed “send.” I didn’t regret it.

Again, we were talking about a sensitive subject and it “wasn’t an easy question to ask.”

Often, we are afraid to ask tough questions because we are afraid to hear the tough reality of someone’s heart condition. . Could it be that we are afraid because it will then expose us to our own heart’s condition.

I remember taking a grief course in college. One of the reasons people avoid those who are grieving, is because they then become aware that they too could go through grief, they too could be in that person’s shoes. Sounds sad and selfish, however, we all do it.

We all at some point or another avoid asking those around us the tough questions they so desperately want to answer – they so desperately want someone who cares enough to ask.

Sometimes this may mean  opening the “can of worms” titled:

  • Are you feeling okay?
  • How are you really taking this divorce?
  • How have you been since . . . ?
  • Do you forgive yourself?

Once we open that door to give others that space to be honest, we may be compelled to think empathetically and put ourselves in their shoes.  The goal isn’t to take on guilt or shame for someone’s current state of being. The goal is to go beyond ourselves far enough to help someone else.

With all that being said, my challenge to you is to move past the awkwardness and ask the tough questions.

That is all,



  1. Markiana Robertson says:

    Good Stuff ❤️ I totally agree with you Jannelle asking those tough questions can release a person from fear, anger, hurt, and/or other walls of emotions that need broken down in order for freedom to takes its place in the heart, and that freedom could be for both parties at the same time or simultaneously.

    • Jannelle says:

      Yes Markiana,

      So many time we know our loved ones, friends, or even co workers are going through it- however, we hesitate to open the door and ask the questions that should be asked.

      Thanks for taking time to read ! <3

  2. Sometimes our friends need more than lip service. They do need us to ask open ended questions. Love this! Have a super time at She Speaks. I will miss you this year, but am hoping to catch you there next year if you’re available. You’re a great friend to your friends. Hugs.

    • Jannelle says:


      You said it right, more than lip service!

      We should certainly plan to meet for She Speaks 17! I will let you know more about this year’s conference, can’t wait to get started!


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